The Aqua Net Diaries: Big Hair, Big Dreams, Small Town by Niven Jennifer

Author:Niven, Jennifer [Niven, Jennifer]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humour, Biography
ISBN: 9781416959205
Goodreads: 7616436
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2009-09-01T07:00:00+00:00

Indiana cornfields

Signs

This goes out to the person or persons that found it necessary to take a wreath from a grave. Every time you look at this wreath remember one day someone you love will be buried and when someone carries your flowers away as you have done, you won’t be able to say a word, will you!

—Mary Ann Harrison, Palladium-Item, “Your Opinion” section

Sandra Hillman was assistant principal of Richmond High School. Joey and I once filled her van with helium balloons, as many as we could fit, and laughed till we cried picturing her face as she opened the door and all those balloons sailed away. We thought it would be a lovely scene, like something from a movie— Out of Africa or Trip to Bountiful, both of which we’d loved. It would be almost like poetry.

It was just something we thought up to do, like climbing the Purina Tower or driving fast in circles or writing stories about how we were separated at birth, creating an entire elaborate backstory for ourselves in which we were stolen from our original (shared) parents and smuggled across the world through a series of wild and dangerous adventures only to end up in the World’s Most Boring Town. In other words, we didn’t do it to be mean.

But there were some things that our classmates did do to teachers to get back at them for unfair exams, for pop quizzes, for picking on them in class, or for just trying to do their jobs. One of these things was to steal realty signs and, in the dark of night, stick them in their front yards. Some teachers woke up on weekend mornings to find seven or eight For Sale signs—possibly more—on their lawns, depending on how unreasonable they had been in class that week.

Collecting signs was a popular activity. My friend Hillary always carried a tool kit in her purse along with her lipstick and her tampons, just in case she saw a sign she liked. She had a particular love for license plates—not stealing them, but switching them from car to car. She could spend a happy hour in a parking lot, usually one at a church.

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